Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
