I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
