Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
