Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
