why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
