She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
