that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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