just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
