she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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