Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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