Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
