saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
