yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
