I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
