The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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