You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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