I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
