if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
