I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
