My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
