if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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