It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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