Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
