I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
