But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
