i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
