how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
