U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
