I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
