I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
