I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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