And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
