Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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