I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
