Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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