ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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