Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
