Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
