Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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