so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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