May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
