Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
