I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
