Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
this is an emotional support booty call
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Who died my cat blue again?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
