He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
