I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
