we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
