what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
