help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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