He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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